That car accident might have taken my smile for a time, but it gave me my life’s work.
I regained consciousness to blinding lights on the operating room table. “You’ve been in a bad accident,” the surgeon said. I don’t remember much after that for several days.
A few hours earlier, on a bright Sunday morning, my dad and I were driving to his office. I was ten years old, excited to spend the day with him. I remember driving over the bridge while he was telling me a story. What I don’t remember is the tow truck that sped through a red light and smashed directly into my window, or how my dad regained consciousness to administer CPR.
For months after the accident, the wound on my cheek was ugly and jagged, with thick dark stitches closing the gash where the tow truck had rammed into the side of the car and shattered the window. The rest of my face looked like shrapnel had exploded from the windshield.
The scars didn’t bother me so much.
The hard part was that I lost my smile.
Nobody knew exactly how many minutes I’d been without oxygen immediately after the accident, and so there was a great deal of relief that my brain was returning to normal, and that I could talk.
The accident had cut the nerves in my cheek, so part of my face was paralyzed. I could speak, but I couldn’t make most facial expressions. I couldn’t show happiness or sadness.
Without my smile, I was lost.
I could speak, but as far as I was concerned, I couldn’t communicate.
Smiling had always been my most natural form of connection. It was the heart of how I interacted with the world. Now I was mute. Without the ability to smile, I was isolated and silenced. I felt like my mouth had been sewn shut along with my cheek.
That’s when I started writing.
I wrote as a way to communicate myself. I found the words to express myself, and that made all the difference. This turning point became a lifelong love for giving people the words to communicate who they are.
The modest insurance settlement from the accident had included enough money for me to have a series of surgeries to reduce the scar. But in college, I decided I was okay with how I looked, so I used the rest of the money to study in Africa for a summer. I spent time with a woman who had 13 children inside a goat dung hut without a husband or education or electricity or options.
In a sense, the accident made it possible for me to see what it’s like to have no voice, let alone no smile. I learned that if you can’t speak out, you’re trapped. But once you give them a voice, they can be heard.
The greatest way to empower someone is to show them their own highest value. (Tweet this)
I made a career out of finding the right words. After college, I began my career as an advertising copywriter. Once again, writing helped me find the words to build a connection, this time between brands and people. I helped brands communicate who they are.
I began exploring the science of fascination, becoming an author and speaker, showing people how to find the ideal words to express who they are.
My smile is still a little crooked. That’s okay.
100% yourself beats 100% perfect. (Tweet this)
Looking back, I can now see why I felt frozen without my smile. I have a primary Passion Advantage, which means that I connect through emotion and facial expression.
For you, smiling might not be the key to unlocking your personality. You might have a different key. It might be facts, or details, or stability. Whatever it is, you need to be able to apply it in order to be your best. Otherwise, you quit trying.
When you’re prevented from communicating in the way that comes naturally, you shut down.
I haven’t thought about the accident for a long time. I’ve never written about it. This past week I’ve been writing the final pieces of my new book, How the World Sees You. The connection between the accident and the book seems kind of obvious to me now. The book is about communicating who you are, at your best.
Have you ever “lost your smile”?
Have you ever been prevented from communicating who you are, at your best?
There will be times in your life when you feel prevented from communicating and connecting with the world around you.
You might be in a job interview, and struggle to find the words to explain who you are.
You might be in a big meeting, and feel at a loss for how to present your ideas.
Or you might be going through a rough period of your career, and become lost, confused about how to be heard.
You might feel like you’re missing what you need to communicate, as I had.
I want to help you find the answers.
Starting today, I’m taking our conversation together in a slightly different direction.
The focus will be on giving you the words to communicate your highest value. I’ll help you discover your highest value through the science of fascination.
Your personality already has the extraordinary qualities you need to stand out and be heard. Once you identify these qualities, you’ll never be without a voice.
Maybe the car accident wasn’t an accident at all. Maybe it was exactly what I needed to communicate with you.
Thank you for being part of this conversation. Let’s discover who you are, at your best.
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My question for you: When do you feel “silenced” or inhibited in your work or life? What shuts you down from communicating with others? Give me an example, in the comments below.
I feel like when I am challenged with my ideas as in "People do not agree or think they are wrong" I shut down. I do not feel confident enough to move forward and argue my point for good or bad. I need to learn to value others opinions and at the same time be confident and passionate about my ideas. learn to be confident enough in myself to present. Public speaking or presenting is always hard. I prefer to be in the background.
Dear Sally, Thank you for sharing. I am going through a period in which I am changing the focus of my business. Having had success in the past and being a Rockstar, it's hard sometimes to feel frustrated when re-aligning my vision for myself and my work. We often Forget that the "problems" we feel we have are so insignificant compared to the challenges others face and master. Your inspirational message will help me get myself together and work harder to achieve my goals. Thank you so much for this virtual kick in the butt and wish me luck on my continuing journey. Keep up the wonderful work and I wish you all those things that you are still yearning for in your life and business. Sincerely, Rhonda
So well put, and thanks for sharing your story. For me, it is not one event but years and years of conditioning that have me trapped in the "what is supposed to be" and it has taken me a few years and a lot of inner work to slowly undo the layers of preconceptions and definition imposed by the outside world so I can express my creativity and individuality in my work and my business.
I remember being a little girl and being absolutely terrified to read or speak in public. I would physically make myself sick. I'm not sure what happened, other than constantly putting myself in painfully scary situations where I was forced to face my fear that I eventually over came the fear. I decided to run for class officer in high school. I lost. I decided to try it again the next year and I was successful. I then was forced to be in front of my pears everyday to read announcements and be a leader. I then gained more confidence and ran for Student Body President. This was way out of my comfort zone and really beyond probably what I was qualified to do at the time. I won! I won because I gave the most incredible speech and I practiced it so much that I can still recite it today and its been nearly 25 years. I think when you loose your voice you have to put yourself in places to make you grow and that is exactly what I knew I had to do to over come my fears. When I heard you speak last year at our Rodan+Fields Convention I was moved to tears of joy and tears of wow she really gets people and understands them. I wanted to celebrate the knowledge you shared with me and grow. You have such a gift and such an amazing voice and smile that moves others to become the best version of themselves! Thank you for the gift of you!
Thanks Sally! Happy Valentine's Day ❤️ I have never found my true voice after years of childhood physical and mental abuse and abandonment. Shutdown and not knowing my authentic voice I have struggled all my life with anger, fear, anxiety, shame, and guilt about who I am. I am on a journey to find that authentic voice now. I took the test and will be working through your book. Discovering who I really am and my voice (my authentic self/essence) is essential. Looking back over the struggles in my life I now see it was because I never knew my true voice. Sally, any help or direction in finding my true voice you can provide would be so helpful.
I know there are no coincidences in life, for today I happened to read your post...the same day that I've discovered, on my train ride to work this very morning, that the self-sabotage I subject myself to when nearing moments of excellence stems from a core assumption I developed all the way back in the 5th grade. I was bullied. Badly. I've never said that before. So badly that I stopped speaking. I never learned how to stand up for myself. It was easier to stay quiet then to deal with it and now I debase myself at every turn because I do not believe that I am pretty enough, smart enough, or even remotely capable of handling anything on my own. Deep down in my core, I believe that I am talented, that I have ideas worth contributing - but I lack the courage to say what I truly feel because I just want to belong... at any cost. Belonging in middle school was if I could laugh at something with everyone else without being pounced on; belonging now means not making waves with anyone or anything. My reticence allows me to exist peaceably but without much depth. As a consequence I'm never really sure how to articulate my thoughts and feelings and I certainly don't have the confidence to believe that I can bring about any real change - so I remain mute. But what I desperately want is to orchestrate real depth to my life.
Like most of my fellow commentators, I too, never noticed your scar, just your inviting and happy smile. I am so happy it came back to you! Thank you for sharing and keep on smiling! Elizabeth
I never noticed your scar. I only noticed your pretty smile. My oldest son died at the age of 7 in 2006 from pneumonia, so I don't approach a conversation the way I used to. I don't ask people anymore if they have children because I know the next thing they're going to want to know is if I have children. Sometimes I tell people I have one child and sometimes I'll tell people that I have a son and that he had a brother that died in 2006. I also have 3 step-children.
I applaud you! I'm interested in learning more.
I have lived with a severe/profound hearing loss for most of my life. I was probably born with it but it was not discovered until the age of two. For years I struggled to hear and be understood and wore hearing aids, which gave me some sense of sound. I did not fit in the deaf world because I never learned sign language. But didn't fit in the hearing world, either because I could not hear well. I spent many years in denial and tried to "fake it" and bluff my way through conversations. It wasn't until I embraced my hearing loss and took the steps to get my first cochlear implants over nine years ago that I found my passion to pay it forward and help others through their hearing loss journeys. I always say that my new "ears" gave me a "face lift" and changed my life. And I'm making up for list te with a smile on my face and joy in my heart!